Post Election Thoughts

So, the election has come and gone. Obviously, I'm not pleased with the results. But, what struck me more than anything was how displeased my kids were at the results. I know a lot of you read my blog about our experiences at both the Trump and Hillary rallies. If you did, you know my disdain for Trump, but also, especially, a large number of supporters at his rally. You'd also know how deeply disturbed and shocked Peyton was at the behavior he saw. So, when it became clear Donald Trump would be our next president, the kids were visibly upset. It's really something I didn't see coming. Maybe because I didn't know just how much Donald Trump bothered them, maybe because I thought Hillary would win. To be clear, I in no way ruled out the possibility that she wouldn't win. I wouldn't even call myself confident. I just didn't really brace myself for how we would all feel if Donald Trump was elected. 

It was jarring. But, I didn't lash out. I took the evening to collect myself, the boys went to sleep, and I woke up the next morning, after admittedly tossing and turning all night, with a new perspective. I'm not going to complain. I'm not going to bash the people who voted for Trump. Trump wasn't my candidate. He wasn't even close to my candidate. In no world was I ever going to vote for him. But, whether I like it or not, he's going to be the president of the country I live in. I just bought a house here on Monday people, I am in no way on the 'let's move to Canada' train. 

The boys lamented the fact that he got elected the next day. Despite how much we discourage the phrase 'It's not fair', the boys used it a lot on Wednesday. But, we live in a Democracy, we may not like the results, but this is the definition of fair. Everyone voted, and these were the results. We have to accept that. 

I was not aware of the popular vote at the time, in which, at the moment, Hillary Clinton leads. But, if anyone knows how the Electoral College works, it's my kids. They may not like it, but that's how it's always been, and I don't see any end of that in sight. (Fun fact from this amateur presidential historian, the now FIVE times in history that a president won the electoral college but lost the popular vote, the Democrat has always been on the losing end. Here's looking at you Andrew Jackson, Samuel Tilden, Grover Cleveland, Al Gore, and Hillary Clinton). 

Last year, we did our whole president's project in an effort to teach the boys not only history, but tolerance, and the importance of having an open mind.Through our project they learned that even our Founding Father's had some serious flaws, and some of our best of presidents were womanizing jerks. Conversely, some of the nicest guys who ever held the office, were terrible presidents. They've learned a presidential personality doesn't necessarily dictate success in the office, and that viewing things through the lens of history is very different than living through that time ourselves, and you never quite know how it will all turn out. 

We have made a huge valiant effort over the years to teach our kids that all Republicans are not bad, that all Democrats are not good (and of course, vise versa). They were appalled when we were invited to the White House Easter Egg Roll, and half the neighborhood said they wouldn't go, simply because Obama was in office. They didn't understand that you could disagree with someone's policies so much, you would pass up such an opportunity. They thought they had the most open mind.

And then Donald Trump was elected, and they were convinced it was the end of the world. I'd remind them of all those lessons I just wrote about, and they'd say 'Yea, but....'. 

But, here's the thing with that, when your candidate isn't elected, there can always be a 'Yea, but'. This one may seem more valid, but you always think your 'yea but' is valid.  You have to be open minded, and reserve judgement. We don't KNOW how this is all going to turn out. We can speculate this won't end well, but we don't KNOW. We made a point to call out the things that we did find appealing about Donald Trump's policies during the campaign. Because, again, no one candidate is all good or all bad, surely you can find SOMETHING to say 'yea, ok, I can get behind that.' If you can't find one positive thing about a person, you just aren't looking hard enough. 

I'm not saying it isn't valid to condemn the things that Donald Trump has said that are discriminatory. Because to be clear, he has directed a lot of hate at many different groups. That isn't ok, and supporting the president is not the same as saying those things are ok. As hard as it might be, we're at a point where we have to separate them. Even the president is wrong sometimes, and the hate and discrimination is wrong. And everyone needs to continue to be vocal when they see discrimination. If anything, going to that rally taught Peyton that there is still a lot of discrimination in the world. Everyone talks about how far we've come, but they talk less about how far we still have to go. It's easy to see the progress, and think that sort of hatred is nearly obsolete. Until of course, you see it in person. Then it becomes hard to ignore. 

Despite all of that, this is our president now, for better or for worse, and you have to get behind that. You have to hope that Trump learns to elevate his behavior to match the Office he has been given. You have to get behind the Office, if nothing else. I loved when Michelle Obama said 'When they go low, we go high.' (Although I prefer to say 'When someone goes low, you go high', because it sounds less divisive.) I bought a button that said 'Love Trumps Hate.' We can't just buy into those, until things don't go our way. If we really believe those things, we have to act like it. Even when it's the most difficult. Otherwise, it's all just words. 

Because, let's face it, It was easy for me to be appalled at the neighborhood kids who loathed Obama so much they would skip an invite to the Easter Egg Roll. It was easy for me to say 'Whoever get's elected, I can support them, and I won't act like the Obama haters', because I voted for Obama. My guy was in Office. Now is my time to practice what I preached all last year during our project, to rise above it, and deal with this new reality that Trump will be our president for the next four years. 

And a lot of people have said 'so what do you say to your kids about this?' Well, first of all, everything I just typed, we've talked about in the last few days. But beyond that, you tell them, things don't always go your way, that sometimes good things happen to people who have shown some hurtful qualities, you tell them this is their chance to show that they can keep an open mind. That they would show up to the White House, even for an Easter Egg Roll in a Donald Trump presidency. 

In my case, with my three boys, who aren't in a minority, I tell them none of that hate was directed at them. But even more than that, I tell them because it isn't, it's even more so their responsibility to spread love and positivity into a world that seems to need it more than ever. They have to be nicer to each other, to their friends (even the ones who have supported Trump), and to strangers. (We've literally been reminding each other 'POS-I-TIV-ITY!' whenever any of us start to be negative.) 

This doesn't mean I'm ready to have my nose rubbed in any of it. I've avoided Facebook, because I can't take the negativity, and the finger pointing. I left chat groups, because it isn't positive. I'm worried for my friends who are in any of the groups Trump has directed hate towards. But, posting memes, calling each other names, writing some really hurtful things on both sides, is just not the way to change any of that. It just adds to the hate. I think we need to rise above all of that. We've taught our kids that it's important to take the high road, even when that road sucks, and even when most people aren't traveling that road with you. That's just what you do. 

Mostly, I tell them to be respectful. Nobody likes a winner who gloats, or a loser who pouts. You tell them to use this opportunity to listen to people who have different views points than you, and to learn how to speak about your views in a constructive manner. You accept results, because you have no other choice not to. You tell them life isn't about what happens to you, but how you react to it. You make this moment into one of the biggest life lessons. 

And for your older kids, you tell them, they are lucky, because next time around, they have a chance to really have their voice heard. They have a chance to vote. Too many people this election freely gave up that right, and the results could have been very different if they hadn't. 

I've said for nearly a year, that no matter who wins the presidency, we will all be there to see the inauguration. I never could have imagined a year and a half ago, this is how it would have turned out. I can't go back now (and not only because the flight is booked), so that's where we will be come January 20th. 

And for the adults out there? Just stock up on the Costco Liquor. It'll make it all a little easier to swallow. It worked for Election Night.